Murder Mystery Party: The Watersdown Affair
31 March 2012 1936 As my last duty as Secretary at Watersdown Mansion, I wanted to thank everyone for coming this past weekend. I can only offer my deepest apologies that you were caught up in such unfortunate events. The police have arrested John Masters under suspicion of murder and I am confident that justice will prevail. The trail of evidence he left when he impersonated Sir Roger’s illegitimate son will surely send him to the gallows. I have been called to be one of the witnesses for the prosecution, so I can’t go into great detail, but I can divulge a few pieces of information that may clear things up. John Masters met Roger S. B. Astird while mountain climbing in Colorado. Roger told him the story of his parentage and bragged about the wealth of his father, Sir Roger Watersdown. One afternoon, when they were both out climbing, Mr. Masters came up with a plan. He killed Rog, planted his own identification on the body and made it look like an accident. He then assumed Rog’s identity and contacted Sir Roger. You know the rest, he was invited to the mansion to stay and fooled Sir Roger by wearing colored contacts to look more like Rog’s mother. Unfortunately, he was unable to stop his eyes from watering and avoid rubbing them constantly, something Sir Roger noticed, causing him to hire a private investigator in London. In the meantime, the fake Rog explored the grounds until he found a way to get into Sir Roger’s office to kill him. He climbed up the scaffolding and swung into Sir Roger’s bedroom (located next to Sir Roger’s office) and stole the sleeping tablets. He later swung into Sir Roger’s office when he was out and his martini was left unattended. He dropped in several crushed sleeping tablets, dissolving them in the drink. It was enough to kill the unsuspecting Sir Roger. The police had quite a hard time narrowing the guilty party down to John, however. Their investigations unearthed that quite a few of the guests disliked Sir Roger and most of them had a reason to kill him. Aimee Chattre had an affair with Sir Roger years ago and in a moment of passion admitted her real name and background. This unfortunate pillow talk led to constant threats of exposure by Sir Roger. He even told her he was going to contact a friend of his who worked at the London Times to give him the scoop. The invitation he sent her to the weekend party was even addressed to Amy Chilton, and he strongly suggested she attend. He intended to expose her at the party and she came to talk him out of it, using any means possible. Dame Allison Bigh was a compulsive murderer. She committed the murder that later became the basis for her best-selling novel. It occurred in the English countryside not far from Watersdown where she was a guest at the time. It was never solved by the police, but Sir Roger suspected her of having done it. As we found out at the party, she was an accomplished hypnotist, and attempted to hypnotize Sir Roger into killing himself. She wasn’t as good as she thought she was, though, and her plan was not successful. She disappeared on Sunday, right before the police arrived to arrest her. She has been spotted in Paris, but not yet apprehended. Donald Brooks’ success was owed entirely to underworld associations of a most deplorable nature. His wife Flo knew nothing of these activities prior to the weekend. He was in need of funds desperately and attempted to blackmail Sir Roger into providing them. Through his connections he had learned about Sir Roger’s involvement in pornography and sought to use this information as a weapon for blackmail. However, he found that Sir Roger had armed himself with knowledge about his shady connections and dealings, information which would ruin him in the City. As a result he was coerced into spying into the affairs of Flo’s father, the Earl of Woo. Donald was last seen leaving the mansion in a cab but never returned to his house in the city. It is suspected that his business partners thought him too much of a liability and I overheard the police use the words “cement shoes” and the “River Thames” at one point. Eleanor Whitehaven had apparently squandered away most of her inheritance and her lack of skills in managing the shipping company her father left her caused an increased decline in profits. Her lavish parties, and addiction to buying new furs, were draining her bank accounts and she was facing ruin. She attended the party last weekend to convince Sir Roger to purchase her London apartment from the bank, who was threatening foreclosure. She planned to offer him her shares in her late father’s company as payment because she didn’t think that he knew of the company’s trouble. She went back to London after Sir Roger’s death and rumor has it she’s been selling off her furs and expensive couture on craigslist.london.uk. I don’t know what that is, since it’s 1936, but I hear things are going cheap. Her Irish bodyguard has stood by her in her time of need and they’re planning a June wedding. Fiona Hastings suspected that Dame Bigh had committed the murder she wrote about in The Knife, but had no proof. She was at Watersdown because she thought Fiona might murder again and wanted to catch her in the act and expose her, then use the story to write her own book, a biography of a murderess. Instead, she is in the process of writing one about the Murder of Sir Roger. She hopes the sale of the book will save her struggling business and make her famous. The working title is The Bastard Got What Was Coming to Him. But again, it’s only a working title. Florence Brooks, as you now know, is the illegitimate daughter of Lady Watersdown, Sir Roger’s badly treated wife, and Woo Wing, the famous Oriental Cassanova. Her husband, Donny, was not aware that she was Lady Watersdown’s daughter (can we all just agree that these two don’t communicate?). Her father was made an Earl after the war as a result of his heroic activities but was threatened by Sir Roger with exposure of his role as a terrorist and assassin for a radical political group. Flo never forgot Sir Roger for his mistreatment of her mother and was determined to prevent his ruining her father. She was saved the trouble when John Masters murdered Sir Roger, and since her husband is “missing” she has returned to stay with Daddy Wing. I hear she doesn’t shed a lot of tears over any of it. Greta Schumann had been having a secret affair with Sir Roger (that man could get around), but he had recently broke it off. She suspected that he was seeing someone else and assumed she would find out who it was at the party. Little did she know it was several women. She managed to get an invitation through her friendship with me, but I had no idea that they had been an item. She has since apologized to me for her deception and we’re friends again. Mal Praktiss was instrumental in causing the death of Lady Watersdown by “accident” while administering to her professionally, but after a lover’s quarrel in which she wanted to expose his affair with her to Sir Roger so that she could divorce him. The death resulted from an overdose of sleeping pills. In fact, he dissolved a quantity of the pills in Lady W’s water glass before leaving her and she, upon taking a pill and drinking the water, administered an overdose to herself. He had always feared that Sir Roger suspected him of carrying on an affair with his wife, and administering the overdose, even though the Coroner’s Inquest found that he was at The Gribbley with Sir Roger at the time the pills were taken. Sir Roger did know all of this, I overheard him talking about it on the phone one day last week. I believe he intended to tell Mrs. Praktiss in order to get his revenge. The good doctor was saved by Sir Roger’s death. Mrs. Pratkiss has since started an affair with the gardener and is rumored to be so happy that she looks 10 years younger. Randy Shetes was secretly a Porno Queen whose success was founded upon her amorous relationships with financial backers of her films. Clive, her husband, was an ex-porn star and their marriage was a business relationship. Sir Roger financed several of her pornographic productions and came to know her charms. She was offered a starring role in a new dramatic production, but Sir Roger threatened to expose her sordid past. He wanted her to make a sequel to Stiff Upper Lip. She spent Friday evening in his bed trying to “convince” him to reconsider, but was unsuccessful. As much as she wanted to kill him, she didn’t. Last I heard, she was looking to star in a stage version of the events at Watersdown Mansion. It’s going to be a musical, but they’re still looking for investors. Pro Bates was Sir Roger’s first-born illegitimate son and was named in Sir Roger’s will as his heir until the arrival of Roger Astird. Over his protest, Sir Roger changed his will to leave everything to Roger Astird. He had been embezzling from Watersdown Beverages, Ltd., because he needed money to pay gambling debts. Pro forged the will we found on Sir Roger’s desk, dated later than the one benefitting Roger Astird. The police proved it was a forgery, but since Pro didn’t kill Sir Roger, and was his only surviving relative, he stands to inherit everything. Word on the street is that he is going to move into Watersdown Mansion and make Whole-in-Won a golf theme park with a casino. Shortly after Regina Merriweather started working at The Blimey Bulletin, she asked Sir Roger to let one of her reporters interview him for a profile piece in the paper. He not only refused, but spoke to a London Times reporter instead. That edition was their highest selling issue and cost The Blimey tens of thousands of subscribers. Her father was so upset, he killed himself. Sir Roger was so arrogant, he never suspected he was the cause of her father’s death or that she might blame him for the suicide. Regina came last weekend with thoughts of strangling Sir Roger, but didn’t have the time to carry it out. She has since written a three part story in The Blimey describing the events of the weekend and her involvement. It outsold the London Times for all three issues. As you may have guessed, I hated my boss. He was a slimy womanizer and refused to support the women’s rights movement. I befriended Rog at a rally and convinced Sir Roger to change his will in Rog’s favor. In return, Rog promised to make a large donation to the movement. Little did I know that the man I met was John Masters and he used me to get to Sir Roger. Dr. Praktiss offered me employment in his surgery, but when he winked at me and told me that it would require an extensive physical, I turned him down. I’ve decided to run away with Sir Roger’s valet Jeeves. You may have seen him at the party helping with drinks. We’ve both just taken jobs at Downton Abbey, it sounds like such a nice and calm place. What could possibly go wrong? Yours, E.R.A. (girl power!) P.S. Don't miss my Chocolate Martini recipe.